


As One

by frostychai



Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Drinking, Introspection, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Talking About the Past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 23:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20479406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frostychai/pseuds/frostychai
Summary: Not every night has to be as uncertain as the last.





	1. Chapter 1

"Alright...let's start it from the top," Alex commanded, with more than a hint of ire in his voice. He leaned forward, fingers unsteady with adrenaline as they found their place above the controls. On the command display, the stealth ship burned past the research station’s horizon. As the _Roci _ducked out from beneath the protection afforded by the station, the stealth ship set an intercept course, blocking line of sight to the defense cannons. Alex nudged the starboard thrusters, keeping the guns tucked further behind the _Roci's_ hull; sacrificing time-to-target for peace of mind. As soon as they found their bulls eye, they roared, pelting the black ship with rounds. Alex’s eyes widened, and he spun back to get a clear shot at the cannons before they could turn the shipping container to scrap.

_ "Come on, sweetheart," _He pleaded.The ship locked, and his sigh narrowed into a quiet _yes _under his breath as the cannons went dark. Before he could pop the champagne, though, an incoming projectile alert blared; the new maneuver didn't account for the stealth ship's bottom-mounted gun, which must've escaped the brunt of the incoming fire. Instead of a victory lap, his second rotation only handed it a sightline to the flight deck like it was a get-well-soon present. By the time he lurched back up, hands moving to burn thrusters at full power, the _Roci _was lost.

_ “God DAMNIT!” _Anger flooded the Martian as he smacked the console away. He had it before the mission; had it down to a goddamn T. If the station didn't pull those rock-busters out of nowhere, it would've been a slam dunk. Alex sighed. His heart was sprinting on a mix of guilt and good old Martian stubbornness, and though he knew these simulations fed into the latter with every attempt, knew there wasn’t any bringing them back, it didn’t matter. Alex tucked his head underneath his hands, biting down in an attempt to siphon some of that emotion away; he just needed to focus.

_ A little quicker on the draw, and you can take 'em both out before anybody gets the chance to say ‘hello'._

"Alright." He sat up, a new dose of bitter motivation pumping through him. "Let's go back to the--"

“Alex?”

_ “--Jesus!” _Alex jumped in his seat, arms drifting upward as the man they were attached to fought to catch his breath. He felt the solid _thud_ of mag-boots reverberate through the seat as the Earther climbed the stairs.

“Grease monkeys got a hold of me, said somebody on the flight...deck...” Amos' voice faded as he reached the top, seeing the desperate look on the Martian's face. “Alex, you look like shit.”

“I'm fine," Alex lied, using his sleeve to wipe the sweat from his forehead. _Shit. _He was sweating. How long had he been there?

"Then let’s get out of here, brother." Amos placed a hand on his shoulder, catching the hull breach alert on the console. "You'll work better when the _ Roci's_ not so crowded."

“Yeah," Alex admitted, clearing his throat, "you're probably right.” He glanced back pitifully and closed his session, the sounds of machinery and engineer chatter filling his head as it slowly returned to the real world. He stood up, legs complaining a bit as he pulled the headphones from around his neck and hung them over the headrest. Amos led him down the steps and towards the airlock, and neither of them said a word until they reached the doors; Alex felt a little better by then, able to breathe at a normal pace as he leaned back against the wall.

"Up for some booze?" Amos asked.

"More than you know." Alex sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, massaging away the headache that was just itching to form.

"Good. I was headed to this club I found in the strip before I had to come rescue you."

"_Rescue _ me?" Alex shook his head and watched as Amos started down the transfer tunnel._"Son of a bitch," _He grumbled to himself, before pushing away from the wall and jogging to catch up.

-

"I'm not gonna ask about what I just saw, but getting a few drinks in your belly never hurts." Amos caught the bartender's attention with a wave. "Two beers?" He called out above the din.

"Appreciated." Alex was tracing nervous circles onto the counter. "I s'ppose....I just can't get my mind off Eros. What kinda person can sit back and watch all those people die for some _goddamn data?”_ His eyes went wide. “And Miller, the crazy son of a bitch, he’s gonna get himself killed one of these days." Amos nodded to the bartender and took the glasses, sliding them towards himself and Alex. It was quiet as they drank, the Earther downing half of his in one go and groaning as it burned through him.

“Better?” Amos pursed his lips as the sensation faded.

"A little," Alex admitted, getting the message. "Hey, where'd Naomi and the cap run off to, anyhow?" He asked, taking the softball that had been thrown his way and changing the subject.

"I figured if they were planning on blowing up Tycho, they'd send a heads-up our way first." Amos placed his drink on the counter, his mouth curling into something just beneath a smirk. "I'm sure they're keeping busy," He added.

"Right. Y'know, with everything we've been through, I wish they'd just _tell us_. I'm gettin' tired of tiptoein' around it at dinner."

“Naomi wouldn't go without telling me for long,” Amos assured him.

Alex's brows sank. "Yeah? What makes you say that?"

"We promised to keep each other in the loop, know who needed an ass-kicking when one of us showed up in a bad way. It's new," Amos concluded, taking another swig.

“I sure as hell hope Holden catches _that _memo.” Alex dropped his head back in the absence of a response. The club's music was loud, but low; something electronic, filling the air between the countless voices climbing over one another. After a few minutes of silence, their first rounds come and gone, he glanced over at Amos and frowned. The Earther was scoping out the club like he was expecting company.

"Hey," Alex nudged him. "Eyein' something?”

"Just trying to get a sense of the room.” Amos' tone and expression, as ever, gave nothing more away. Alex craned his neck in an attempt to follow his gaze, but nothing stuck out. “You see those guys over there?” Amos gestured towards a pack of younger-looking men. They were dancing in slow, drawn-out movements to try and attract passerby. “This doesn’t seem like the kind of place to side with them if some shit goes down,” He posited. Alex lowered his glass and spotted them.

“You don’t talk about it much. Your history with these places, I mean,” The Martian ventured.

“Not much else to say.” Amos' attention finally shifted, catching the look of pity on Alex's face as he eyed the working boys. “I look out for them when I get the chance. Simple as that.”

“You feel bad for them?”

“No," Amos said with confidence. Alex waited for more, in vain. His crewmate's eyes were back to scanning the room; but _now_ he was curious, getting the sense that Amos might open up a bit if he just kept pyring. He'd been trying to get a read on Amos ever since he was ceratain a wrong look wouldn’t get him spaced, but all Alex had ever managed to pull out of him was sarcasm, or a dismissal. Washed in the pink lighting of the bar, the Martian noticed that his beard had grown out a bit. Thanks to the lack of downtime recently, he figured. He'd only ever seen Amos with a buzz-cut, but tried to imagine what he looked like when he was younger, working in a place like this.

"What was it like?" Alex picked up his glass and glanced back at the Earther. "If you don't mind my askin'."

“Same as now, just with people instead of tools,” Amos stated plainly. "Everything goes well until it doesn't.”

“I can't believe it's that cut-n-dry.” When Amos turned back to him, Alex looked like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't.

“Listen to me," Amos asserted, placing his drink on the counter and leaning towards the pilot. "If you're looking for a sob story about how miserable I was, find someone else." The Martian nodded, catching the drink on his breath. If he was a braver man, he might've taken the opportunity and gotten a little closer; screw the consequences. The thought distracted him for a moment, as the corners of his lips twitched upward. _Hell,_ he thought to himself, _if I were a braver man, I probably would've made a move weeks ago._

“Besides," Amos leaned back in the absence of a response, "I haven't heard much about _you_ before the _Cant.”_

“Alright, alright. Don't shoot me when I'm down.” Alex threw his free hand up in surrender. "I just can't figure out where to start with you, partner."

“It’s not the asking, Martian. Just save your pity for someone who deserves it."

_"Yessir,"_ Alex drawled, a sarcastic salute in his tone. He looked back at the Earther a bit more humbly this time.

"If you're interested in learning more," Amos cocked his head towards the group of men, “there's your chance.”

“Sorry?” Alex was genuinely unsure as to what the man was suggesting.

“You’ve got time to kill, and they'll talk if you ask. The kind who like to talk are usually a safer bet.”

"Oh." Alex scoffed. “Thanks, but...I'm doin' just fine here."

"Then why are you so interested all of a sudden?"

"Ain't nothin' wrong with bein' curious." It came across defensively, and Alex dropped his eyes to the counter. "I thought you didn't mind?"

Amos studied him for a moment and shrugged before looking away.

"Now hold on there, cowboy." Alex was just buzzed enough to not give up so easily. "By my count, that's the second time you’ve tried to pair me up with a stranger.”

"It would do you some good," Amos posited. "When's the last time you blew off some steam?"

"I dunno...maybe I'm not all that comfortable bein' with somebody I ain't even _met_ before," Alex replied, hoping the message got across.

"It's just sex, Alex." Amos looked at him as if what he just heard made absolutely no sense. "Flying like we do, you get it where you can."

"But--"

"If you really think it's more complicated, that's on you."

Alex could only bite his tongue for so long. _"Goddamnit,_ hoss,I'm tryin' to tell you something here!" Amos moved to respond, but his eyes caught a customer in the back of the club, getting pushy with one of the working boys. The Martian's words were drowned out by the anticipation of what was about to happen. "--hey, big guy, you even listenin'?" Alex waved a hand in front of him.

Amos could hear the shout from across the room. “Hey, HEY!” He roared. The kid was on the ground, his hands up in defense. Amos charged towards them, grabbed the man by the collar, and threw him against the wall. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” Amos' eyes darted around the man, checking for a weapon. He eased up a bit after finding nothing; he was just some stupid bastard who got a few drinks too brave. Amos knew the Martian wouldn't approve of him making the man taste what he'd given the working boy, but the idea didn't escape him just yet.

_ “Little shit stole my scrip,” _The man choked. _ “And you protect_ him_?"_

“I can't imagine I'll lose much sleep over that,” Amos said calmly, before shoving him away.

“Who the fuck you supposed to be?" He wheezed. "Patron saint of whores?”

With that, Amos had run out of patience, lurching forward and slugging the man across the face with a solid, meaty _thud_. He watched with wide eyes as the asshole fell to the floor in a pathetic heap, coughing blood into his hands.

“Amos!” Alex caught up behind him, putting his hands above his head when he saw the Belter. _“Jesus,_ partner, we’re not here to start a brawl.” Amos frowned, turning away from him and making his way back to the kid.

"You alright?” Amos asked, crouching down. The kid was hiding his busted lip behind long fingers; he looked about 20, if Amos' judgement was accurate. He reached into his shirt and fumbled for the scrip. 

_“Take it."_

"No," Amos shook his head. “I just wanted to get him off you.” He offered an unknowingly blood-slicked hand and pulled the kid upwards.

“Then...thanks.” He spat down at the man, leaving dark specks on his shirt. "Shoulda run when the _pampa_ started asking too many questions, eh?"

“Yeah, you gotta watch for these assholes. Keep something sharp on you, brother.” When the kid nodded again, Amos pat him on the chest and walked back, past an exasperated Alex, until he reached his spot at the counter. He rolled his eyes when the bartender gave him a look of disapproval.

“Don’t need you here if you bring trouble, _ inyalowda,_” They spat.

“It doesn't sound like you've been on Tycho long," Amos replied. He glanced over when his crewmate returned.

“I know you did the right thing." Alex’s heart was still pounding, knowing the man well enough to have braced for the worst. "Just...try sending a heads-up my way next time, will ya?”

"Two more?” Amos turned and asked the bartender casually. They took the second glass and pulled out a new bottle from underneath the counter, muttering something. “If I'd hesitated, he would've gotten another swing in," He offered, looking back at Alex.

The Martian blew air out through his nose. “You’re probably right,” He grumbled, gladly taking his third beer and nursing it for a bit. The Earther was already back to normal, the new drink wandering in his hand absentmindedly. Alex noticed the blood smeared on his right knuckle, still wet enough to catch the light in dull streaks. “I reckon you could...handle yourself like that before?"

"I did alright." Amos' eyes narrowed before turning towards Alex. “Was there something you were trying to tell me?"

"Ah, hell." Alex’s confidence had all but fizzled out, his eyes narrowing as they stared into the glass. "I think that ship sailed, hoss."

Amos laughed. "What? I scare you off?"

"No, it's just--" Alex stumbled, glancing into the space between them. "Alright." He put his drink down. "Even if you scare the crap out of me sometimes...hell, I don't know how else to put it. I like you, partner. _ Bein' _around you."

"Yeah?" Amos sounded like he was expecting it, and it was killing Alex. "Like..._like _me?" He teased.

“Oh, go to hell.” Alex’s composure broke, revealing a wide grin; he was spared from the brunt of the embarrassment when Amos' laughter joined his own.

"Shit, Alex!" Amos bellowed. "If that’s what all this was about, you could’ve just led with it." The alcohol was making itself known, but it wasn't the only thing to blame for the sudden warmth Alex felt in the pit of his belly. It _couldn't_ be that easy, right? “I wasn't sure what you were into," Amos continued. "I missed having something to keep me busy off the ground."

_ Of course _it was that easy.

"Then why the hell didn’t _ you _say anything?" Alex prodded.

"You're a good looking guy, but we've been on good terms, and I didn't wanna mess with it. I’m glad we're on the same page, though.” Amos put a hand on his shoulder, shaking it hard enough that Alex had to catch himself. "I was feeling a little left out, letting Naomi and the cap have all the fun."

"Oh, I bet." Alex smiled. That strange safety he felt around Amos was returning, now that the worst was over; he’d nearly forgotten about the man coughing up blood on the other side of the club. "So...what now?"

Amos looked around and shrugged. “Rooms here, unless you wanna take our chances on the _ Roci. _Engineers have probably cleared out by now.”

"I think she's earned some rest of her own."

"Good point." Amos pat him on the back as he started walking. “I’ll grab a key.” Alex's eyes followed as he walked towards the bouncer, giving his brain a second to catch up on what just happened.

“Hey, big-shot!” The bartender scolded him. “Somebody gotta pick up the tab, yeah?”

"Right." Alex snapped out of it and reached for some scrip. "Sorry about the mess amigo, just...keep the change." He didn't stick around long enough to hear their reply.

-

After Alex rounded the corner, he took the initiative to close the door behind him and sit at the end of the bed, watching as Amos pulled his shirt off and placed it neatly on the shelf against the wall. Amos stretched, fingertips pressing up against the low ceiling, warm light catching the messy line of hair that ran down his torso.

"See something you like?" He'd caught the Martian staring twice in the same night.

Alex cleared his throat. "No complaints," He muttered.

“Good.” Amos grinned as he walked over to the pilot. "So. You gonna keep me imagining it, or what?"

"Right." Alex tugged the bottom of his shirt out from under his waistband, and hesitated for a moment. “Uh, things ain't as..._impressive _as they used to be. Not much work on the ground these days," He joked.

“I've seen the way you fill out a suit,” Amos declared, as if it were common knowledge, before sitting down beside Alex. “Nothing wrong with that.”

"Well...thanks." Alex continued, pulling the garment up and over him until it was crumpled in his lap. He looked down at his torso, covered in dark hair and much softer than that of the man next to him. He tossed his shirt beside the first, and looked over at Amos; only then, in the silence that followed, did it strike Alex that this was supposed to go way beyond small talk. He swallowed air, trying to think of something clever to get him off the hook. Amos noticed his hesitation.

"I didn't mean that like I've got a _thing _for it, unless--"

"No!"Alex cut him off. "It ain't that. I'm just thinkin' I got a little too brave for my own good back there.” The Earther's expression shifted a little. "Don't get me wrong, I meant what I said," Alex continued, "but I don't know if I'm ready for the whole rodeo just yet."

"Oh." Amos fell back onto the mattress, a bit relieved as he looked up at the dull, silver ceiling. "I'm down for whatever."

Alex chewed on his tongue, trying to form the words in a way that left him with some dignity. "I've been out of the game for a spell, partner. And before that--"

"It's been a minute for me too."

"--I've never really been with anyone besides my wife." Alex closed his eyes, kicking himself, not really having meant to put it so bluntly.

Amos looked up at him. _ “Shit.” _It didn't stem from judgement, but realization.

"Yeah." Alex swallowed, too far down the hole now to shrug it off. "I guess ever since Eros I've been itchin' for a distraction, but I never really expected to get this far."

"We don't have to have sex." Amos continued when man was silent: "I'm not gonna be disappointed."

"You sure?" Alex asked, a bit surprised.

"Like I said, we're good together. Anything on top of that's just a bonus."

"Well..._alright,"_ Alex drawled, a bit embarrassed for giving the man so little credit.

"So we're good?" Amos asked.

"We're good." Alex felt the mattress sink as Amos sat back up, and didn't complain when an arm reached behind him and rested on his shoulder.

"How's that?" Amos sounded completely sincere. Alex huffed, leaning into it.

"That's alright." It was quiet for a moment, until Amos looked over at him like he'd had a realization.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, 'course."

"Do you feel bad about leaving your lady behind?”

_"Oh." _It wasn't exactly the kind of inquiry Alex was expecting; he took an uneven breath, trying to sift through everything going on in his head to find the answer. "Well, uh...until I met y'all, not having anyone to keep me company wasn't so bad. I got a message from home every once in a while, and it was enough. After that stopped..." He shook his head. "Hell, I guess tonight, I finally got tired of feelin' sorry for myself."

"I'm sorry." Amos let his fingertips drop below the man's collarbone, massaging the area gently.

"You got nothin' to apologize for."

"I know," Amos agreed, “but you're a good man, and people like me don't make it easy for people like you to stay that way."

_"Amos..." _Alex shook his head, expression leaning towards concern. "You got a pretty us-or-them way of seein' things, sure, but I know you're just trying to--"

"Are you afraid of me?" Amos interrupted, looking the pilot dead in the eyes.

Alex pursed his lips, trying to keep his expression at least neutral. "Not anymore," He asserted. "It's just takin' a while, gettin' used to the way you do things."

Amos' eyes fell for a moment before the words seemed to register. “After the _ Donnager_, I figured you were taking the first transport back to Mars."

"Shit, you _really_ don't put faith in people, do you?" Alex jabbed, managing a smile.

"I'd rather be wrong than dead, but I'm glad I was wrong. The _Roci's_ better off with you at the controls."

“The hell you mean? She wouldn’t even _be here _without me,” Alex said, and they both laughed. "I get what you mean, though. I can’t think of three idiots I’d rather have by my side.”

"Then I say we worry about the future when we have to."

"Huh. Not a bad idea." Alex noticed that the man's grip on him had tightened during their conversation. "Any others you got bouncin' around in there?"

Amos shrugged, before asking forwardly: "Why don't we bunk here tonight?"

"Sure," The Martian said, nodding. "That sounds about my speed.”

"Alright." Stale air took the Earther’s place when he got up.

Alex looked behind, a bit relieved that Amos hadn't expected him to take more off. As comfortable as the man had managed to make him feel, this was new, and scary. Sure, not _ protomolecule-level scary_, but one half of him was expecting his old XO to bust down the door and kick his ass for fraternization, and the other felt guilty about being with someone _at all._ Alex turned back and shut his eyes, trying to clear his head. Maybe Amos was onto something; was focusing on right now, to hell with whatever suicide mission was waiting for them next, really the worst idea out there? He looked warm, and inviting, and goddamn if the thing Alex wanted most right now wasn’t to stop worrying so much and just join him.

_Let's worry about the future when we have to,_ Alex repeated to himself. He got up and took the opposite half of the thin mattress, resting on his side and leaning his head, slowly, against Amos’ chest. They were still for a few seconds, until Amos wrapped an arm around him, hand finding a home at his side, and Alex shifted his legs up a bit to get more comfortable.

"This ok?" The Earther's voice cut through the quiet room, and the pilot's buzzing mind.

"Yeah." It was so simple, but the heat of the man's skin felt safe like Alex couldn't remember; like the universe outside that door was frozen, waiting patiently for them to step back into it. The club's music was muffled, a halfway-decent replacement for the thrum of a ship’s reactor that had kept him company during so many nights. Amos smelled like sweat and grease, but it was nice. Familiar.

"I haven't done this in a while," Amos said, breaking the silence. "Thought I outgrew it."

_"It's nice."_ Alex's words were muffled as he tucked his head down further.

"Nicer than running simulations?"

_"Go to hell."_

Amos laughed, trying to keep from shaking too much. He shifted his body lower and dropped his head onto the pillow, his chin brushing up against the man's curly hair.

_"See you tomorrow, Alex," _He mumbled. 

The Martian settled into the new position, bringing a hand up beside himself on Amos' belly. He wasn't sure how much time passed after that, but it felt like a matter of seconds before the Earther began snoring gently. Alex smiled. 

_"Goodnight, partner."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Binged the shit out of this show recently, it's absolutely fantastic. This is something I couldn't get out of my head once I finished the first few episodes of season 2. I was uncertain on a lot of the terminology and getting their personalities down, but mostly this was just a fun way to blow off steam.
> 
> Planning on making another chapter or two if you guys like it, but I'm trying not to push myself too hard. It's been a minute since I've written fiction.
> 
> As usual, staring at something for days on end means I definitely missed some rough edges; dyslexia can be a pain in the ass. I'll come back with a clearer head and get any last issues in the coming days.


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m sorry.” Amos was standing in the doorway, knocking evidently too formal a gesture so late in the day. It was the following lack of attention that made him take notice: “About grabbing you earlier," He clarified, in the absence of a reply.

"I figured." Alex glanced up from his hand terminal, reflecting orange in his eyes. By all accounts, he _should_ be mad at the man; that's the proper reaction when someone holds you over a ten-foot drop like a bag of rocks, isn't it? But he's never been good at playing the bad guy, especially when it comes to Amos. At this point, he was more surprised at the man's arrival than anything.

“Can we talk somewhere else?” The Earther asked.

“Fine," Alex conceded, placing the device on his bunk and following the man to the armory. Amos grabbed a rifle off the wall and straddled the bench, pulling a screwdriver from his back pocket and getting to work.

“Heatsink’s busted,” He explained, as if the conversation had just begun. He pulled the magazine out and set it gently on the bench behind him. Alex leaned against the wall and crossed his arms.

“That what you wanted to talk about?” Alex asked.

“No, but I figured I could kill two birds with one stone,” Amos replied, smiling. Alex knew this was his blunt way of _showing_ he cared without actually _saying_ it, but it still came across like he was an asshole. Amos flipped the rifle in his hands and pulled the release, separating the barrel from its stock and placing it neatly on his lap. "I’ve been trying to judge things for myself lately, but it doesn't seem to be going well,” He admitted, chewing his lip as he shimmied the core out of its housing. He paused, looking up at Alex. “And then earlier, it was like you were more worried about _ me _ than whether I was gonna drop you.”

_“Jesus,”_ Alex whispered, looking up at the ceiling in disbelief. “Well, I’m glad it was a productive moment for _one_ of us," He spat, louder this time.

“I’m being serious,” Amos replied.

“You know that's called empathy, don't ya?” Alex's tone was equal parts genuine and accusatory. “Where are you goin' with this, partner?”

“After the _ Cant _ was destroyed, I would’ve shot everyone on the _Knight _if I thought Naomi and I wouldn’t make it on the oxygen we had left."

_"Christ!" _Alex glanced back at him, newfound alarm in his eyes. “Why the hell would you tell me that?”

"I think I regret it." The way he said it broke through the last of Alex’s resolve, and he slumped against the wall in defeat. Amos' eyes flicked back down to the gun, like he'd just remembered what he was doing. 

"Is that why you stick to certain people?" Alex asked, after a time.

“You mean Naomi?" Alex nodded to him, and Amos considered it for a moment. "I don't do what she says because I'm trying to sleep with her," He said. The rifle’s heatsink slid out of place, and Amos reached behind him to pick up the spare. "I trust her to keep me in check when things get bad.”

"Have you...always been like that?” Alex's tone was much more gentle than before.

“I was a kid once, if that's what you're asking. Didn't last long, though," Amos said. There was more waiting on his tongue, but hardly a second passed before the mechanic got back to work.

"I'm sorry," Alex offered. He knew what his crewmate was about to say back, but the words still felt necessary.

“Don't be. I had it better than most." Amos' face lit up. "Hell, I'm still breathing." He waited for the new component to run through diagnostics, scratching his beard absentmindedly as the tiny display spat out raw data on the core's temperature. "My point is, I didn't mean to spook you like that before, and it won't happen again. That's what I came here to tell you."

“Ok,” Alex said, swallowing the obvious question of _what _could possibly drive a child to grow up seeing the world as Amos did. Then: "I appreciate it, partner," spoken with assuring warmth. Alex accepted that the answer may not be something he would ever hear, and if that was the case, it was for good reason.

Everyone has their scars, and some are far deeper and less willing to heal than others.

“So we’re good?” Amos asked, looking up from the weapon.

“Yeah,” Alex met his eyes, “we’re good.”

“Alright." Amos leaned forward and tapped the Martian on his waist, his posture visibly lightening. "Once I finish this up, I gotta eat something, or tomorrow’s gonna have one bitch of a hangover waiting for me.”

"Hang on." Alex stepped forward. “You’re drunk?”

“A little,” Amos confessed with a smile, reattaching the barrel. “Don’t worry Martian, I’ll remember not to kill you when I wake up." 

Alex shook his head. He could live for a thousand years, and _still_ have no goddamn clue how the Earther’s brain worked. The man stood and placed the rifle back on the wall, wiping his hands on his shirt and gesturing towards the hallway. 

-

“Thanks, brother.” Amos took the plate and started shoveling forkfuls into his mouth. _ “This stuff isn’t half bad,” _ He added with a full mouth, before swallowing. “I wouldn’t mind taking some with us down to Ganymede.”

“I’ll see what I can do, hoss.” Alex sat at the opposite side of the table and watched as the man ate with mild fascination, until the sound of mag-boots pulled his attention away.

“Hey!” Naomi walked into the kitchen and noticed the lasagna on Amos’ plate. “Any left? I’m starving.”

“Plenty to go around,” Alex replied, cocking his head towards the fridge. She opened it up and put the tray on the counter, portioning some out and not bothering to heat it back up before joining them.

“I've been meaning to ask you,” She nudged Amos. “Where have you been all day?”

“Busy.”

"Yeah?" Naomi took a bite, catching the expressions on both of their faces. "With what?"

“Just taking care of a few things.”

“Alright," Naomi shrugged. "Well, we really could’ve used your help with the refugees.”

“I already got one slap on the wrist for that,” Amos replied, shooting Alex a look.

"Ok..." Naomi twisted the fork in her hand, before laughing. “Did I catch you guys in the middle of something?”

“Not at all.” Alex got up and grabbed a pouch of liquid protein from the cupboard. “Matter of fact, we just finished havin' a nice chat, Amos and I.”

"Glad to hear it." She took another bite. "We all need to be at our best before dusting off for Ganymede."

"Right-o," The pilot agreed. "Speakin' of which, I should get washed up before--"

“Wait.” Amos interrupted him, swallowing. “I think we should tell her.”

"Tell me what?" Naomi and Alex looked equally interested to find out.

“Alex and I spent the night together a while back, at one of the clubs in the strip,” He announced, before downing the glass of water Alex had given him. The pilot could feel his face heat up at the mention of it, and not from embarrassment.

_ “Really?” _ Naomi looked back and forth between them, beaming. "That's...that's great!"

“You and the cap were honest with us, so I figured we owed you the same.” The Earther had a smug look on his face.

“I appreciate it. And I’m happy for you guys, really.” She pat Amos on the back.

“Oh, it's nothin' big, really,” Alex finally chimed in, less than amused. “Now that you mention it, I woke up _ alone, _ and figured it was best to forget about the whole damn thing and _move on."_

_"Oh."_ Naomi’s eyes narrowed, and she looked back at Amos.

“Maybe I just had shit to do,” Amos explained.

"I think I should--"

"Maybe you coulda _said _somethin' before now," Alex shot back.

“You know what? It sounds like the two of you could use some space.” Naomi got up and made her way back towards the hall, plate in hand.

Alex leaned over the table once she was gone. “The hell was _that?”_

“She deserved to know,” Amos stated.

“So you _weren't_ just trying to stir me up?"

"Why would I do that?"

“Goddamnit, I don't know!" Alex threw his hands up, before accepting that Amos really _was_ telling the truth. He simmered down for a minute, before continuing: "Why didn’t you bring this up earlier? Or _ at all, _ for that matter?”

“I wasn't sure why you were so quiet about it."

"Damnit, hoss." Alex covered his face with both hands. “You know you can just _ talk _ to me, right?”

"Fine." Amos put his hands on the table. “Holden called me in the morning, said he needed help moving supplies, and I figured you could use the sleep. Simple as that.”

“Well...ya didn’t have to ruin a perfectly good dinner to tell me that,” Alex whined. “Besides, we ain't even together, and now she's got the wrong idea.”

“Not _together_, but that doesn't mean it has to stop, either.” Nothing from Amos should surprise the Martian by now, but that didn’t prevent his brain from coming to a halt.

“I’m sorry?” Alex asked, dumbfounded.

Amos shrugged. "It's up to you."

Alex put his hands out in front of his face. “Are you...asking me out?”

"No." Amos shook his head. “I don’t do relationships, but I liked being with you. It beats the hell out of sleeping alone.”

"And I liked it too, but--"

“Then let's just leave it at that." Alex moved to respond, but stopped himself. "We can just keep each other company off the ground. It doesn't have to be anything more," Amos proposed.

The pilot sat back at the table, eyes darting around as he considered it. “Sounds to me like you put some thought into this.”

“I guess.” Amos looked at him. “I like you, Alex.”

“You have got one funny way of showin' that, partner,” The pilot replied.

“Maybe, but I mean it."

"I know you do," Alex admitted sheepishly. "I like you too, big guy." He watched as Amos stood.

"Then stop by my room in a bit. Otherwise, we can go back to how things were.” Amos grabbed his plate, setting it on the counter and wiping it off. Alex's posture relaxed when the Earther returned, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I still don’t expect you to fuck me. I meant what I said last time,” He assured the Martian, before walking back down the hall. Once he was out of earshot, Alex dropped his head onto the table, fogging up the glass as he sighed.

-

By the time the pilot arrived at his door, Amos was already settled in for the night. He stood up, and his arms lifted in surprise when Alex walked forward and threw both of his own around him. It took a moment for his brain to register what was happening, and another for him to reciprocate.

_ “I could punch you right about now,” _ Alex mumbled into his shirt. _ “It’s been killin' me, not knowin' whether I screwed things up." _

“Would punching me help?” Amos asked. The Martian halfheartedly thumped a fist on his chest, and Amos smiled.

"A little.”

"This is pretty new for me too,” Amos said. It came across as more of a realization than an attempt to reassure the man.

“The hell you talkin' 'bout?” Alex laughed. “Was that someone _else _ in the middle of a bender I ran into earlier?”

Amos shrugged. “That’s just sex.”

"Well..." Alex closed his eyes, remembering who he was talking to. “If we're gettin' it all out there...I’m sorry for jumpin' to conclusions about you.”

“Alex.” Amos held him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye._ “It’s ok,” _ He asserted.

“Right.” Alex cleared his throat.

"So you're staying?" Amos asked, turning away from the man.

"I reckon so."

"Alright," He reached into the small locker in the wall and tossed Alex one of his shirts, "but I wasn't kidding about the hangover. You mind if I call it early?”

“Go for it." Alex pulled off his MCRN threads and felt at a little humbled when the shirt left him a good amount of breathing room. Amos turned back to his bed and laid down, with Alex following closely behind.

"Thank you for hearing me out." Amos backed up against the wall to make room and wrapped an arm around the Martian’s waist when he leaned against him. "Most people wouldn't."

"Well, I sure as hell didn't do it for the accommodations. These beds are barely made for _ one _ of us."

Amos smiled. “Hey, it's no captain’s quarters, but they get the job done."

“You're right. Besides, all you and Naomi do is keep the ship from falling apart, and I just point ‘er the right way. None of us has what it takes to shout directions,” Alex added, feeling heat on his skin when the man laughed. Amos shifted again, trying to give him more space.

"I meant it." Amos hit the lights after a few moments of quiet. "Thank you for trusting me." He tilted his head forward, against the pilot's neck, and took a deep breath. “Night, Alex.”

_"Goodnight,"_ Alex whispered back. He placed a hand over Amos' and closed his eyes, focusing on the steady hum of the ship's reactor until he drifted off to sleep.

-

“Alex?” Naomi called up to him. “I think we’re all set.”

“Hang on a sec!” The pilot made his way down the ladder and walked over to her, twisting the ring around his finger. “Before you go, uh...about the other night? I’m sorry you got stuck in the middle of things like that.”

“Don't worry about it. I meant what I said, about you two being together. I just didn’t want to have to pick a side like that.”

"Yeah." Alex nodded. "You shouldn't of had to."

Naomi shook her head. “I get it. We're a family, and families can be a pain in the ass sometimes. Believe me, Holden and I aren't perfect either," She laughed.

"I appreciate that."

"The way Amos handles this kind of thing can take some getting used to, but he's a good man underneath all that," She assured him.

"I think so too." Alex scratched his chin. "Now go on, don't let me keep ya. You got a little girl that needs savin', and a bunch of magic goo that needs killin'."

"Right." She smiled. "Stay safe, Alex.” She pat him on the back before making her way towards the ladder. “We’ll be thinking of you down there.”

“Right back atcha.” Alex waved goodbye as she sank from view, and leaned back against the command center. "Well, sweetheart," He announced, patting the display, "looks like it's just you and..." His eyes went wide. "Oh, _ shit." _ He jumped up in a panic and raced down to the kitchen, grabbing the tray out of the fridge and making for the airlock. _ “Shit, shit, shit.” _ Once he could see the room, he sighed with relief; Prax and Amos were still gearing up. He ran a hand through his hair and stepped forward, grinning.

“Cowboys, lasagna!” He announced proudly, opening the lid for them to see. Amos smirked, and it gave Alex a bit more hope for the upcoming mission. “I really put my foot in this batch, partner. I think you’re gonna like it,” He promised, handing it over to him. “You be careful down there, Earther.”

“Be careful up here, Martian,” Amos replied, stowing the tray in his backpack. 

“Hey, you too,” Alex added as Prax walked past. He folded his arms, watching as the inner door sealed shut and they crossed the bridge to the _ Somnambulist. _Once they were safely inside, he smiled bittersweetly to himself, before making his way back through the quiet ship and up to the flight deck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to end this here for now. If you enjoyed it, thank you. It really means a lot; writing can be pretty difficult for me, even on a good day, but I really wanted to explore the dynamic between these two. Thanks for reading <3
> 
> -
> 
> update 12/19/19: I have a draft of the third chapter that's been sitting in my gdocs for a while. I'm not 100% comfortable posting it here, but I might as well link it in case anyone's interested. It contains spoilers for the churn, but I haven't read any of the other books fwiw. [Here's the link](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HFSX8MrXFG1pr5TyXEO34LiT9UGRyJjsMN_JaitG57A/edit?usp=sharing). Let me know what u think if you want. Love u all.

**Author's Note:**

> I always love comments/hate/etc.
> 
> here's [my site](https://frostychai.carrd.co/), with way too much info about me and links to pretty much everything else I do. feel free to hmu, or stalk me. whatever works.


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